just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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