if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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