Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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