Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
