Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
