I wish my penis had an off switch
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
