If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
