i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
