Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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