Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
