you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
