And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
