Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
