He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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