New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
