I cannot find my penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
