I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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