I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
