It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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