I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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