like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i think my cat just said my name.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
