i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
