I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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