I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
