So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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