Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
