It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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