I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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