Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
