what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
