Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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