You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
