Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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