you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
