I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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