Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
