Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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