you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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