Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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