If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
