Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
