This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
