he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
