So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
