I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
