Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
