I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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