i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
