Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
