My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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