Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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