I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
