im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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