I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
